From the beginning

There is always a place where something begins. Where things are realised and thoughts occur in the knowledge that there is a direction to move forward to. Sometimes we remember that place, other times the moment when it all came together is forgotten.

I remember my moment, at least I recall it being a defining moment for me that I was touching on a subject I thought was very ordinary and the realisation came then that it wasn’t. I was seven years old and I had just met a woman only a few short weeks before who was to become my future Step-Mom. I cannot tell you what possessed me to ask this question, but it seemed I had things swirling in my young mind that needed answers. She looked just like the sort of woman who might have them to give me. She was folding laundry at the kitchen table and I was standing near the sofa just deep in my thoughts and I very casually asked “Do you believe in Spirits?” Just as soon as I asked and I am not exaggerating a single word of this memory – a musical carousel ornament that was sitting on a shelf near the sofa began to play on its own and did a complete circle round.

I remember looking up at her, thinking that was strange but eager to hear her answer to my question and her face was frozen just staring at the carousel then back at me again. She responded with a yes, she did in fact believe in Spirits. It was after she finished folding the laundry and went over to the musical carousel to inspect it that I realised I had just had an amazing moment in my life. When I asked why she was inspecting the carousel, I remember her looking at me and she simply said “That carousel has been broken for many years, its not played in a very long time.” She was right, she showed me and tried to get it to play and it just couldn’t. It was then I knew, I knew in that brief moment in my life that I was going to get closer to my answers that had been burning deep inside me. I don’t know how long those questions were there if I am honest, I really couldn’t say.

My poor Step-Mom was to become my Spiritual Guru over the years, the starting place for me to explore all of my obsession with Ghosts and Spirits alike – I cannot tell you the amount of sleep that lovely woman missed out on because I would keep her up all night asking questions and wanting to hear stories of the Otherside. She was so patient and I couldn’t get enough. We talked for many nights over the summers, often until the sun came up and I recall at times her face would seem baffled at the amount of questions I had. Years later I would learn that it was also the sort of questions, she said she had never seen a child so young asking about things she considered quite deep. It must have been difficult for her, me not being her own child and yet she always said her personal beliefs were that if a child was asking they deserved to know. Begin with the basic answer and when that is not enough you move on with something more complex. This was her approach to my questions and I have often been puzzled myself over the years as to where they all stemmed from. I did not grow up in a home that was focused on such things, yet there I was delving into the deep with no end in sight. I believed in my own mind that everyone had these sorts of questions, to me it was perfectly normal.

I had no idea back then where this journey would take me, I was just embarking on the first steps. Yet asking her that fateful day if she believed in spirits is a moment I will never forget, forever etched in my mind. Had she answered no would the path have changed? Would I be here now writing this to you and having come this far? Perhaps, then again perhaps not. All I know is that I am forever grateful for that day, to have had the guidance to the person I truly needed the most for this to develop. I have always said to people when they ask me if I feel I was “chosen” or “special” – my answer is no, I am not. I was simply lucky to have had someone who was willing to sit down and devote so much time to my natural interest, to help me evolve.

Lucky, not special.

Now lucky to have been privileged to encounter so many amazing people along the way because of that moment.

From the beginning, right through to the end.

•